The (little) Man of the House

My husband and I do our best to keep things that are "grown up worries" from our children's ears but sometimes it's unavoidable.  With all the panic and chaos that is unfolding as a government shutdown looms you are hard pressed not to hear about it somewhere.

Tonight my 9 year old asked what the big deal was this "with this budget thing" he'd heared about.  I explained to him in a way he could understand what the affects would mean on not only us, as a military family, but on everyone and everything involved.  Afterall, there are 800,000 federal employees who could potentially be affected by this and some may not get that income retro paid like our military will. 

He asked if I would still get my paycheck and I told him yes and not to worry, we would be ok.  He then asked, through a closed bedroom door as he was laying down to go to bed,  if he could get a job so that he could get paid, too.  He then said that he has saved up allowance he could give back to me and that I should not give him and his sister allowance until Daddy gets paid again.  He understands that while, I too have a job, Daddy's money takes care of everything.

At that moment, my heart broke.  This is not something that he should ever have to think about as a child.  But my heart was also bursting with pride as I fought back tears.  His desire and the duty he felt to help take care of our family (especially since he is "the man of the house") is tremendous.

My son makes me amazingly proud and I am thankful that the future has someone like him in it.

Say Goodbye.....

Watching my children say “Goodbye” to their friends is one of the hardest things I ever have to watch.  It breaks my heart into a million little pieces as I watch their guarded tears fall down their cheeks.

A military child is a uniquely strong little person.  They try to be strong.  Afterall, they’ve done this before.  Every military child has.  Goodbye is part of their vocabulary that is all too frequently used.  They see parents off to war, off to schools and various training exercises.  And they watch as the friends that they’ve shared all their little secrets with, all their hopes and excitement, drive away in a loaded down vehicle. 

It’s one of those things that isn’t spoken about much.  Whether the goodbye is a result from a PCS move or a broken marriage, all they know is that the chances of seeing that friend again are slim. 

This week, as my children prepare to say goodbye to their best friends; I find myself in tears, also.  This is one of the very few things I don’t like about military life.  I feel like our children are the casualty of our choices as the adults to be in this life.  Perhaps it is because I know what it is like to have that lifelong childhood friend and grieve that my own children will never have that experience. 

Many say that this makes children more resilient and they will have an easier time making friends.  I’ve heard mixed reviews from the lifelong military kids that are now adults.  Some say it was great and they enjoyed all the friendships they had along the way.  Some said it was lonely and they learned not to get too close to other kids because they knew one of them would eventually move.

I hope my children grow to believe that the friends that we have along the way are a blessing.  I guess only time will tell. 

So as we prepare to say Farewell to a family that has been such a huge part of our lives, we will thank the Lord for that blessing.  Even if it was only for a little while.  At the age of 8, my daughter has gotten to TRULY experience what a best friend is.. My son, at 9, has made memories that will last him a lifetime.  I will do my best to guide my children in this experience but know that I will be standing right beside them crying, too.

Uhh, what am I doing here!?!

Well, here I am...in the midst of a deployment in the dead of winter, in Kansas.  My snow shoveler is currently in the sandbox and I'm here running around, Tuesday through Saturday, like a crazy person.  Alone.  

Perhaps I should introduce myself and explain (if anyone should ever read this thing) who I and why I am here.

My name is Laura and I am an Army wife.  I am so many other things than this title, but it's a big one.  And one that resonates with so many people.  To many ladies, you know what this means without me ever having to say another word.  To those that have never had the pleasure of experiencing this fierce sisterhood I will tell you...There's nothing like it in the world!  To me, being an Army wife means seeing heroism first hand each and every day.  To see that there is good in this world and people willing to sacrifice everything they have for someone they've never even met.  It also means tearful farewells, long separations and months of waiting and praying that the one you love comes home safely.  It also means to make new friends only to turn around and have to say "See ya on down the road", with each move.  It means having to suck it up when you don't like something and it also means accepting the fact that at the end of the day, when the Army comes a callin', it comes first regardless of how it fits into your plans.  But like I said, there's nothing else in this world like it and I know that this is exactly where God intended for us to be.

But there's something else that makes me shine with even more pride...my family!  My husband, Mike and I, have been married for going on 10 amazing years.  God knows I love that man more today than I did the day we took our vows.  We have two of the most amazing kids - Caleb & Maddy.  They are the second aspect of my blog title - Crazy Mom.  These are two of the busiest kids around and we thrive on that.  Between soccer, basketball, cheer, scouts & awanas programs our weeks are pretty full.  They keep me going, especially while Mike is deployed.  They have the best personalities and I love watching them grow into their own skin.  They certainly make life and adventure.  Albeit, one where the end result is me with a lot of gray hair.

And now we reach - Puppy Tamer.....which is exactly what I feel like every day.  We have a 10 week old Yellow Lab named Paisley and Oh my God.....It's like having a baby!  I don't think I've ever said No, Drop, Stop so much in my life.  She's lucky she's cute!  She's totally set on a schedule and every morning when I wake up it's feels like the movie "Groundhog Day" - same thing every..single..day.  But she is the sunshine in our lives on these dreary Kansas, winter days. 

Now.  Why am I here, you might ask.  What is the point of this blog?  Lord knows there are enough military wife themed blogs, right?  Well, this one is just for me.  Well, me and anyone else who might get something out of it.  I have an amazing life and one that allows me to see and be a part of so many things.  But some days I just feel lost.  Hence the Lost Laura.  I sometimes feel lost if the shuffle of everyday life.  I've lost my passion for it.  My life is full of have to's and not enough want-to's.  It's not too often that I get time to myself so that is part of the reason why I am writing this thing.  I'm hoping it will be therapeutic to put "pen to paper" so to speak.  With Mike recently deployed, this might be just the outlet for my pent up steam or random thoughts.  I guess we'll see.